Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy with a lot of things in life – I love the people close to me, I enjoy my work, my health is great. But again, I can’t say with certainty why am I feeling burdened about turning 30.

I want to deal with all these emotions in a healthy manner so I decided to turn towards writing. The idea is to reflect deeply on my lived experiences and look for lessons that I can crystallise into words. I hope the outcome will be that I end up with a collection of insights that I can fall back on in the years ahead.

I don’t mean to preach gyaan to the person reading this. These points are reminders to myself. If it helps the reader in any way then I’ll take that as an unintended bonus :)

The 30 lessons are in random order. Let’s get into it!

1) Birth is the ultimate lottery. We have ZERO control over a lot of important things like:

• Where we are born (imagine if you were born in North Korea).

• When we are born (you could have been born in a brothel 500 years ago and it could have set you up for horrific misery for the rest of your life).

• How healthy we are at the time of birth.

• The personality, beliefs and wealth of our parents.

If you are born in a fairly stable country and your parents are reasonably decent human beings then you should be incredibly grateful for your good luck.

2) Life is a single-player game. Sure, you have people in your life who love you and care about you but still on a long enough time scale, the overall quality of your life will be determined by your actions, reactions and behaviours. There is no point in running away from the single-player game because it cannot be avoided. You have to work through your emotions and biases instead of blaming other people or circumstances. And this is actually a good thing! You can find the purpose of your life and dance with it gracefully. Few more thoughts on games:

• Single-player games will mostly be about self-improvement (like thinking, reading, staying fit, etc).

• Most multi-player games tend to be zero sum and finite – you win, I lose.

• There are some non-zero sum multi-player games that are worth playing and they can be really fun (like spending time with friends).

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3) Marriage

• Never stop dating your spouse.

• It is always you two vs the problem.

• To know the feeling of love, give a lot of it to the right person.

• Don’t score points over your partner in public.

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4) Friendships

• Make good friends – I don’t need a lot of friends, just a few good ones are more than enough. So I have to choose carefully. I shouldn’t delay breaking friendships with the wrong kind of people because the childhood adage is very true, we are indeed known by the company we keep.

• Not everyone would want to be your friend – some people will just not like you and you cannot do anything about it.

• Never forget old friends, especially the ones who are good people.

• Continue making new friends. The world is full of amazing people, get to know them.

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5) Work

• Work sincerely.

• Mastery is achieved through repetitions so put in the reps. It can feel boring so embrace the boredom and the routine.

• Outwork everyone else.

• Pick up ambitious projects because you can achieve more than you think you can. Many people have completed ambitious projects, so can you.

• Don’t mix up urgent and important tasks.

• Consume for inspiration but always create more than you consume. It is easy to consume. On the other hand, creating is hard but it teaches you a lot and it makes life more meaningful.

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6) Money

• Prioritise money very, very, very carefully. It is important, but not more than the people you care about.

• Life is tougher without money so it’s nice to have some money but always keep a ceiling because greed can be limitless.

• Don’t chase money. It will occupy your every waking thought and cloud your judgement.

• If you can give people what they want then they will pay for it. So focus on giving people what they want, money is an outcome.

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7) I’m fairly convinced that life has no inherent meaning and that’s great because it means that the canvas is blank. We are free to create our own meaning for life.

8) Be curious and continue reading an extremely wide range of topics. You can learn many things with just a few hours of reading.

9) Continue writing. The reason for it is clear → https://abhishekgiramkar.substack.com/p/why-am-i-writing

10) Keep learning some new skills as you grow older. I feel that this is one of the most simplest ways to nurture novelty in life.

11) Stay fit. Getting unfit is unacceptable. Lift, run, jump, sprint, play, stretch, sleep. General energy levels should be so good that I should be alert and active even at nights. If someone tells me at 11 in the night that hey Abhishek let’s do XYZ, then I should be up for it without any lethargy.

12) When a person shows you their negative side, consider yourself lucky and believe them. A cheater will always cheat. A liar will keep lying. The person who can’t stop gossiping will gossip about you too. Better not to give such people a second chance. If you do give them a second chance then be aware of the risk.

13) You can always continue getting better at understanding and regulating your emotions. Control your negative as well as positive emotions – don’t let emotions control you.

14) Society and other people will set expectations for you but you are under no obligation to take their expectations seriously. You are free to set your own expectations. Set ambitiously high standards for yourself and then walk the talk to lead by example.

15) Communication

• Continue getting better at listening, speaking, writing, non-verbal cues, conversations, public speaking, negotiations, facing the camera.

• Lesser people = deeper, engaging conversations.

• Not every conversation can be deep.

• Keep improving at small talk because the world thrives on it. If you don’t do it well then you might get left behind.

• People say nice things all the time but they don’t necessarily mean it, like for example, the infamous “let’s meet”. Don’t focus on what they say, focus on what they do.

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16) High agency

• Have a bias for action.

• Take charge instead of waiting. Get things done.

• Going with the flow most likely won’t lead to change.

• Be positive and fearless about going first (doing something which no one else is doing).

• Be assertive – make people do what you want them to do.

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17) If it can be done in 2 minutes, do it right now!

18) Intentionally take out time for thinking. Life won’t give it to you. The same applies to all things that you want to do in life. You will never have time – you have to make it a priority so that it becomes a default choice to make time in everyday life.

19) Don’t put anyone on a pedestal. Everyone is a flawed human - including you, so don’t play status games to climb some pedestal made up by the society. Don’t play stupid games or else you will win stupid prizes.

20) The people who love you – family and close friends – will shower you with love. Give them back even more and never feel tired to do it. Never take them for granted. Tell them when you miss them. Always remember that these relationships are more important than money.

21) Mistakes

• Failures and rejections are just data points and learnings. There is no need to get emotional about it. Learn the lesson, add it to your pool of knowledge and do better next time. Mixing emotions into this is just a waste of time.

• Failure is a signal to improve, not a signal to give up.

• Until death, every setback is just psychological.

• Don’t let success go to your head and don’t let failure go to your heart. Triumph and failure both are impostors, treat both of them equally.

• “However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. Where there's life, there's hope”.

• Koshish karne walo ki haar nahi hoti.

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22) Death arrives unannounced. Be kind to people. It is hard, but do it! Don’t say things or act in a manner that you will regret if that was your last ever interaction with the person.

23) Most people don’t know what they are doing, they are just winging it. Everyone has impostor syndrome!

24) Getting what you want

• Be deserving of what you want from life.

• Nobody owes me anything – be it honesty, kindness, care, trust, etc. If I want anything then I have to work hard to deserve it. Even then success is not guaranteed because hard work is necessary but not enough for success. But the good part is that I will be content knowing that I tried my best.

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25) Financial success isn’t a result of just calibre. It can come through dumb luck too – like being in the right place at the right time. Never equate financial success with winning in life.

26) We are at an impressionable age when we are teenagers. These impressions can stay with us forever. Question the childhood dogma because it isn’t necessarily the truth. When you come across new, contrasting ideas then don’t reject them because they are different. Instead, reflect on them and if they are logically convincing then accept gracefully that you were wrong and update your pool of knowledge.

27) Have opinions

• Don’t say okay to everything that others say, have your personal well-reasoned opinion. At the same time, don’t marry your opinions. If your opinion is wrong then learn from the mistake without taking it personally.

• Adding some nuance – you don’t need to have an opinion about everything because it will stretch your attention too much, and attention is limited.

• Say no. Say it many times. Say no to status games, addictions, gossip, people not interested in behaving good, etc.

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28) Pain is inevitable

• There is one kind of pain that you don’t get to choose like medical condition, troubled family, etc. It won’t go away on its own, so you have to just tackle it head-on or else the pain will stay forever.

• The other kind is where we get to choose the pain – sitting down to work, lifting weights, etc. Choose this pain carefully because conquering it will lead to your growth. A life without adversity is a life without growth.

• Another reason to choose pain carefully is because you will have to give a fuck about it and we have limited fucks to give. Each fuck requires precious resources (time, attention, energy) so if you pick a stupid thing to give a fuck about – like obsessing over reality TV – then you are literally wasting precious resources!

• If something is not going to matter in the next 5-10 years then don’t dwell on it. Don’t sweat the small stuff – small decisions, small expenses, small tasks. Just get them done quickly. Remember that you have a limited number of fucks to give.

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29) A few personal notes

• Be adaptable because you will keep dealing with a corrupt system filled with people hungry for status and power.

• Be honest with yourself – in your thoughts, intentions and actions. It will help to sleep peacefully at night and that’s priceless. It cannot be bought with money or power.

• Have principles (eg. not drinking alcohol) and stay true to them. Keep your word – do what you said you would do.

• Never make a joke about somebody else.

• Learn the good from people and leave out the rest.

• Don’t give advice that you won’t follow.

• Be fair and be kind – especially to those who are deprived of it by the society.

• Tit for tat with people who try to outsmart you or purposely treat you as an inferior.

• Apologise sincerely because if you don’t believe that you are wrong then how will you learn the right thing.

• Get out of bed quickly, stay on your feet and resist the urge to sit. You will feel fresh in a couple of minutes.

• The things we own end up owning us.

• Seek balance in life. Too much of a good thing isn’t also a good thing. It’s okay to have new problems. It will tilt the scales but with persistence you can balance the scales again.

• All actions have consequences so be attentive.

• Don’t let things outside your control bother you – traffic, weather, behaviour of other people, etc.

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30) Zoom Out

• Good times can change unexpectedly, make provisions for it. Bad times can change through persistence, don’t sob in self-pity.

• In the end, nothing matters :) You will be forgotten a few hundred years after your death. Every achievement, mistake, and embarrassment of yours will be forgotten. You get to live only once. Cherish it and be grateful for every small and big thing.

• Load na le puttar

• Tu chaal pudha tula ra gadya bheeti kashachi

• Mauj masti rukni nahi chahiye

I have published this piece a day after my birthday. Now I am 30 years old – no more “about to turn 30”. And suddenly, the mind feels… at peace. The dread of 30 approaching has stopped because now 30 is here. Maybe the anxiety was about the future. The present feels perfectly alright :)

Many years ago, I had read that we are a billion seconds old when our age is around 31 years and 8 months. I will get to experience my billionth second very soon, it’s just 20 months away and I feel quite excited about it! I’m looking forward to a beautiful life.

The book has 20 chapters, so I have carefully picked 20 Timeless Lessons on Health, Exercise, and Nutrition.

The book starts with a couple of quotes so even I will share my two favourite quotes on the importance of Fitness.

“A healthy man wants a thousand things. A sick man wants just one.” – Confucius

“Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.” – unknown

In the Introduction (Pg. 5), Morgan writes “Two topics impact everyone, whether you are interested in them or not: health and money.” Reading that line sparked the idea to write this piece.

On we go.

1. No One’s Crazy

Fitness is personal. The diet and exercise that worked for one person might not work for someone else.

Never forget this or else you will lose a lot of money on countless diet plans, gym memberships and supplements.

2. Luck & Risk

There are no shortcuts to building a healthy lifestyle that you can stick with and maintain for a lifetime.

When you try shortcuts (eg. highly restrictive diets) then good luck might favour you for a few months. But these are a big risk to your health.

3. Never Enough

Fit people sometimes do crazy things in their obsessive search for optimisation. You don’t need elaborate protocols and expensive supplements.

The basics of nutrition, exercise, hydration, sleep and stress management are sufficient for a long and healthy life.

4. Confounding Compounding

10 push-ups a day = just one minute of your time.

5x week = 50 push-ups in only 5 minutes.

Give it a year and you have done 2,500+ push-ups!

Total time invested? Less than 4.5 hours.

Intense exercise is overrated. Consistent exercise is underrated.

5. Getting Healthy vs. Staying Healthy

Getting Healthy is mostly about doing the good things – eating right and moving more.

Staying Healthy is mostly about avoiding the wrong things – drugs, junk food and sedentary lifestyle.

6. Tails, You Win

There a thousand different approaches to get fit. You can try hundreds of different things, drop the ones you don’t like and still get fit by sticking to the approaches that you like.

Get comfortable with trial and error in your fitness journey. Try different workouts, recipes, etc. Explore various sports and cuisines. Keep learning what works for you and what doesn’t.

7. Freedom

As you grow older the independence to move on your own without any assistance from medicines or other people is priceless. But the work required to achieve that must be done now in the present.

Not prioritising fitness when young = losing freedom in old age.

8. Man in the Gym Paradox

Don't compare 10 days of your fitness journey to someone’s else 10 years. You don’t know their story.

Every fit person around you was unfit at some point in their life.

They built a lifestyle to get fit and you should do the same. Focus on yourself.

9. Health is What You Don’t See

Six-pack abs or completing the Ironman are not the only definitions of good health.

It also includes all the non-glamourous stuff that gets overlooked like not falling ill regularly, not having random aches and pains in the body, etc.

10. Start Now

Busy people still make time for their fitness. They do whatever they can in the limited time they get.

Whereas you have been waiting for the perfect time to start.

That perfect time is out of your control.

Focus on what you can control and start now!

11. Reasonable > Rational

It is rational to prepare every single meal at home all throughout your life so that you are getting all the right nutrition.

But it is not reasonable because of work, personal emergencies, travel, social events, etc.

Be flexible and reasonable in your approach.

12. Surprise!

Life will throw surprises at you and that will put you off track in your fitness journey.

It is unavoidable.

The earlier you accept this the better it is for you because then you can focus on getting back on track ASAP without losing too many days or weeks.

13. Room for Error

Going out for dinner? Eat the rest of your meals for the day at home.

Can't do your usual 60-min workout? Do a quick one in 10 mins.

The all-or-nothing mindset will never help you in the long run. Doing something is still miles better than doing nothing.

14. You’ll Change

You will experience big events like switching jobs, moving cities, finding a partner, etc. and these in turn will change you.

Whenever this is happening, be kind to yourself and allow your fitness routine to evolve with your new lifestyle.

15. Nothing’s Free

If someone is selling a health product or service that feels too good to be true then it most probably is.

The fitness industry is plagued with many unethical players looking to make a quick buck by exploiting your insecurities and selling you shortcuts.

16. You & Me

Beware of anecdotal stories.

“My grandfather had X bad habit and still lived till 90” – this story does not tell you anything about the numerous other people who indulged in the same X bad habit and passed away much sooner.

Follow the research-backed science.

17. The Seduction of Pessimism

Social media has put fear-mongering on steroids.

So-called influencers scare you by saying things like toxic, poison, hormonal imbalance, slow metabolism, etc.

They are not helping you. Instead, they are spoiling your relationship with food.

18. When You’ll Believe Anything

Exercise and Nutrition science has grown a lot in the last few decades. We now have scientifically sound guidelines on how to live a healthy life.

But new fitness trends will keep popping up. Don't believe in trends just because of FOMO.

19. All Together Now

Fitness requires effort. You can't avoid the effort.

Spend money now on fitness or later on illness.

Lift weights. Learn to count macros and calories.

Fit people look good and, more importantly, feel good.

Lifestyle choices over everything else. Think in decades.

20. Confessions

The psychology of my own fitness:

• Exercise minimum 4x week (includes minimum 3x weight training and minimum 1x sport)

• Minimum 80% home-cooked food

• Minimum 7 hrs sleep each night

• Minimum 3L water each day

• No drugs, alcohol, smoking

• Active social life

Postscript

Please share your feedback on this piece.

You can get in touch with me to talk about exercise, nutrition and lifestyle.

If you or someone you know is looking to get fit then you can register for my Online Fitness Coaching Programs.

Leave a comment

It is an uncomfortable topic to spend time thinking about. Many people feel they would rather do something else instead of sitting down to think about death.

It is also a strange topic. I have a few reasons to justify the preceding statement.

One of the reasons that makes death a strange topic is that it does not feel personal until it happens in isolation. What I mean is that there are times when thousands of people die in a single day. This happens during wars and horrific natural disasters. But when thousands of lives are lost in a day it becomes a statistic. We learn that many people have died somewhere and that’s the end of it. A mere number, just a statistic.

It is only when a single person dies in our network (friends or family), that’s when it feels like the end of the world for us. It hits us hard that along with that one person, more things have also met their death like that person’s dreams, goals, etc.

It is difficult for us to comprehend that the same is happening to thousands of families when thousands die in a day. We never stop to think about it.

my Death

I have thought about it a lot and for now, I am fairly convinced that everyone should spend some time thinking about their own mortality. It is a tough but highly rewarding mental exercise. Our mortality should shape our perspective more than it does.

There is a beautiful quote which is usually attributed to the Chinese philosopher Confucius. It has a few variations but the one I like the most goes something like this:

We have two lives, and the second begins when we realise we only have one.

The realisation that I am here for a limited amount of time adds so much more meaning to life. If I never get another chance to experience being alive then what should I do with the time that I have left with me?

I am mortal and everything that I wish to do I have to do in this one life. Accepting this fact has helped me in creating my Personal Philosophy for Life.

When it comes to my death, like most people, I would prefer for it to happen quickly. A slow, prolonged crawl towards death must be terrible.

It would suck if my physical mobility and cognitive abilities are restricted. I would not want to live a life dependent on other people caring for my day-to-day health and activities.

Whenever death comes for me, I hope it is swift and gets over before I even notice it approaching.

So once I’m dead, what would I have left behind? That brings us to my Legacy.

my Legacy

When I was a kid growing up, I was fascinated with the idea of what would be my legacy. And it is not a novel idea by any means.

The desire to leave behind a legacy is all around us in our society, education, culture, mythologies, religious texts, etc.

If you think about it then it feels like we were taught that we should have a legacy, isn’t it? I don’t remember it being an innate idea in my case.

I did not come up with the original, never-heard-before idea of a personal legacy. Did you? Or even you picked it up from somewhere and made it a part of who you are as a person, a part of your inner conscience, just like I did?

A lot of my actions and decisions in life as a teenager and as a young adult were influenced by the legacy that I wanted to create. I wished to be remembered as a person whose name and life served as a noble inspiration to others. I wanted my legacy to be that people should aspire to be like me once I’m gone. I did not want to be forgotten.

And then, it all came tumbling down. Not all of a sudden, but slowly and gradually. The amount of reading and reflection that I did kept increasing and I started realising that it is highly impossible to be remembered forever. Maybe people would remember me for a generation or two at best but it would be ridiculous to believe that I will be remembered forever.

And the reason is hilariously simple – people forget.

Give anything a few hundred years and people will forget. Give it a few thousand years and the probability of people forgetting or misinterpreting my deeds goes even higher.

There are two pieces of text that I came across which had a big influence on shifting my perspective of legacy.

The first one is the famous poem Ozymandias written by Percy Shelley and published in the year 1818. I could have skipped to my interpretation of the poem but I won’t do that. Instead, first I will copy-paste the poem here. You read it, make your own interpretation and then read mine. If we have arrived at different conclusions then I would be curious to hear from you to know your interpretation.

The poem:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

What do you think? What is your interpretation? Do you want to read it again? Go read it again! :)

Here’s my interpretation:

Give enough time and everyone is forgotten. Be it regular folks like me or the most powerful individuals like politicians and owners of business empires, time treats everyone equally by wiping out any traces of their existence.

I do not mean this to be demotivating. Instead, acknowledging it and understanding it has liberated me. It has made my life calmer and more content.

Before I move to the second piece of text, I will mention two cool versions of the poem Ozymandias.

The first version is this comic from Zen Pencils. I stumbled upon Zen Pencils in 2012 and since then I have adored the comics posted over there! You should check the other comics when you have time.

The second version is for Breaking Bad fans. The third-last episode of the final season is titled Ozymandias. It is considered to be one of the greatest episodes of television ever made! Bryan Cranston (Walter White) had done a recording of a recitation of the poem for the season’s promotional content.

This YouTube video has the chilling audio of Bryan’s recitation paired with great visuals. Enjoy!

The second piece of text is called Dialogue between a Man and His God. This text is probably from 1600s BC and it is the earliest known work that deals with the question of why a God allows the existence of evil.

It is attributed to someone called ‘Kalbanum’ but nothing more is known about this individual. You can read the English translation of this text here.

Now take some time to grasp this. Kalbanum’s writing has survived for around 3,500 years! That’s a long time. But Kalbunam’s work is all that we remember now. It does not help us remember the person behind the work. Just knowing Kalbunam’s name cannot be enough to count as a legacy. We should be honest and admit that we have forgotten the person.

Both Ozymandias and Dialogue between a Man and His God have significantly influenced my decision to discard the concept of my legacy. If the king of kings can be forgotten then what chances do I have? If the writer of such a fascinating text has been forgotten then it makes little sense for me to harbour the desire of legacy.

So my craving to leave behind a legacy has reduced to a negligible amount. Would it be cool if people remembered me after my death? Yes, of course. But even if they don’t, it’s okay. I have made peace with it.

Now I never do anything with the end goal of my legacy. I do what I like, I do what makes me happy, and I do the things which bring happiness to the people that I care about.

While I am alive I would rather spend my limited time on the things that I can control instead of wasting it on things out of my control. The things I choose to do are in my control and that’s where I prefer to spend my time. How people will remember me is mostly out of my control because I practically cannot alter each person’s perception of me. Let them think of me whatever they want to. Eventually, on a long enough time scale, I am going to be dead along with everyone else so it should not really matter what they will think of me.

Since logic is persuading me to hold the opinion that I cannot be remembered forever then the next best alternative would be to be remembered at least for some time. Say maybe for a few generations. But then this leads to a dilemma – why should I live my life in some strictly defined manner just to be remembered for a short while? It simply does not sound like a good deal to me.

Anyway, let’s move to my Immortality.

my Immortality

Am I afraid of death? Maybe. I don’t know to be honest. I think a better way to put it would be that I don’t want death to arrive too early for me. I would love to live a happy, healthy and long life.

It would be cool if new innovations allowed the human lifespan to extend for hundreds or even thousands of years. I am genuinely curious to see what amazing accomplishments are in store for our species as we keep growing smarter.

Yes, there have been some cruel, deranged individuals in our species but overall the smarter, nicer and hard-working majority of folks have got us very far on the scale of progress. We used to live in caves and now we are exploring the universe!

Sometimes a small voice inside me wonders what if I become immortal? I would get to witness the whole journey of our incredible human species. But I tend to dismiss this thought because immortality comes with a lot of baggage. Imagine all the loved ones that I would have to see breathe their last. I know that it would crush me emotionally. The immortality would seem more like a curse and lesser like a boon.

So let’s drop the desire for immortality and go back to the idea mentioned just before it – increasing our lifespan. We have accepted ageing as a fundamental part of our lives. But why is that the case? Why are we not questioning the necessity of ageing? Our species has overcome so many challenges. We have mastered flight (aeroplanes and space flight), we can split the atom (nuclear energy), and we walk around with mini-supercomputers in our pockets (smartphones). All of these and many more were hurdles before which we have solved now through science, technology and innovation.

Then why not solve the problem of growing old? I had never asked myself this question but then I came across the mind-blowing Fable of the Dragon Tyrant written by the Swedish philosopher Nick Bostrom. It is one of the best pieces of writing I have ever read in my life simply for the fact that its impact is profound. It gives you that “aha!” moment and makes you go into deep thought about your personal worldview.

Let’s recap. Where do I stand now? I am not convinced by the idea of becoming immortal, I don’t see the point of leaving behind a legacy and I wish that the smartest minds of this generation could slow down ageing or minimise the effects of ageing so that I can live a longer life and fill it with happiness and good health.

And what will I do with this longer lifespan? I will enjoy and cherish every moment of it :)

Thanks for reading! See you next time.

Each part explains a separate reason for how I plan to write on this blog.

Let’s begin with the first part.

1) I will hardly mention any references

Because I’m writing for my own understanding (I have a detailed post about this)

I usually find myself in a flow state when I am writing. I do not wish to disturb that flow state to engage in the task of switching tabs and finding the exact source which needs to be added as a reference.

I am mostly writing this blog as a personal diary so I don’t think I need to worry about adding references unless they are an important contributor to my understanding of the topic that I’m writing about.

This approach means that I may mention an idea developed by some other person and I might probably miss on giving that person credit for their idea.

That’s why I don’t want my readers to think “Wow! Abhishek seems to have such novel ideas.” No, please don’t think like that because it would be incorrect.

I wish to make it clear right now that most of the ideas that you read in this blog are not original. I must have surely picked those concepts either from reading, conversations, videos, etc.

I don’t want credit for anything that is not a genuine, original contribution from my end.

I will never try to pass off someone else’s ideas as mine. It is a cheap, stupid game to play and I don’t want to be a part of it.

If you come across a concept which seems interesting and you would like to know more about it then please simply get in touch with me and I will be happy to find the reference to share it with you.

This marks the end of the first part.

2) Everybody is saying the same thing

I have slowly realised in the last couple of years (today is March 2023) that it is okay to write about stuff that others have already written before you.

This might seem like an obvious thing to you but it was a worldview-bending insight for me and it seemed very profound.

“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But since no one was listening, everything must be said again.”

My problem was that earlier I used to naively think if somebody else has already written about a topic then why should I write about it again?

As mentioned earlier, this belief has changed in the last couple of years.

Now I view writing as an act of understanding more clearly. So it doesn’t matter if somebody else has written about it. I am still going to write because I want to understand the topic in greater detail.

I also got to know about content marketing and it was crazy to see how most blogs in a niche have almost identical articles only to juice up their SEO. At the time of writing, I don’t think I will write generic SEO-centric posts.

Moving on to the third and final part of this post.

3) To find nice people

If you are reading this then you might have found my Substack blog probably from my website or social media profiles.

I imagine that it would be great to create new friendships with people who have read my blog and are curious to engage in meaningful conversations.

This blog is like a medium for broadcasting my thoughts into the big, unpredictable void of the Internet. There are nice people in every part of the world. I hope that these nice people somehow find this blog and then share their thoughts by writing to me :)

Thanks for reading!

Optimise has a straightforward definition.

Optimise = make the best or most effective use of (a situation or resource).

Philosophy and Happiness have multiple definitions. I am going to pick only those which make the most sense to me at this point of time in my life.

Philosophy = a way of life that acts as a guiding principle for behaviour.

Happiness = the feeling of contentment or joy.

When I put all of it together this is what I get:

The way I want to behave in my life is to choose those options which will give me relatively greater contentment or joy.

Optimising for Happiness — that’s My Personal Philosophy for Life.

I came up with the 3-word version in 2021.

It was dancing around in my head for a while.

I like the sound of it now — optimising for happiness.

It communicates a lot in just 3 words.

“Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it.”

— Epictetus

To maintain the balance between short-term and long-term happiness, I need to understand what makes me happy.

So now I am going to attempt to remember what makes me happy and I will list it here in no particular order of importance (let’s call it Abhishek’s Happiness List):

• Spending time with my wife — talking, dining, car drives, dancing, household chores, watching movies & shows, attending events, meeting people, sports (for now it’s badminton, let’s see if we pick up more sports in the future because I really want her to do structured physical exercise), doing nothing, etc.

• Spending time with my parents, my younger brother and my wife’s parents.

• Playing football.

• Exercise — gym or home workout or any other physical activity like jogging or swimming.

• Reading.

• Transforming people into a healthier version of themselves through fitness coaching.

• Sharing what I learn.

• Eating tasty food.

• Watching well-made movies and shows.

• Watching important football games.

• Spending time with friends.

• Thoughtful conversations — this is why I like to meet just one person at a time or in a group of a maximum of 3 to 4 people (lesser the people, deeper the conversations).

• Spending time alone — mostly for thinking.

• Walking.

• Vacations.

• Discovering new music.

• Watching stand-up comedy.

At the time of writing, I cannot think of any more points.

But I definitely know that Abhishek’s Happiness List above is incomplete.

I surely must have missed out on some points.

If you are reading this and you are wondering how come I have missed out on XYZ then contact me so that I can either thank you for reminding me and add it to the list or I can explain why it is not on the list.

I think a clearer picture is emerging now.

Whenever possible, I have to make that choice in life which will enable me to spend time on one of the activities mentioned in Abhishek’s Happiness List.

Of course, there will be some complexities.

Here I some that I can imagine:

• Prioritising based on situational context.

  Example—

  I’m at a restaurant with friends. Naturally, I would expect good food at the restaurant as it is one of the things which makes me happy. But spending time with friends is also something which gives me happiness. So if the food turns out below average then I should not let sadness become my baseline emotion, because I am still getting to spend time with my friends.

• The intensity of happiness.

  Example—

  Playing football and watching stand-up comedy both are present on the list. When I have to choose one activity from those two then I should choose the one which will make me relatively happier than the other. No prizes for guessing that I would pick playing football :P

• Survival.

  Example—

  Reading makes me happy. But that does not mean I can keep doing it all day and every day. I have to earn money to live a decent life in our world. Thankfully, the work I do is something which makes me happy. Improving the lives and health of people through fitness coaching is what pays my bills.

Unfortunately, I have not talked about happiness in serious depth with the people around me.

I would probably change that in the future.

For now, reading and thinking have enabled me to understand some things about happiness and a few of them are:

• The opposite of happiness isn’t sadness.

  The opposite of being happy is not-happy or being neutral.

• Similarly, the opposite of sadness isn’t happiness.

  The opposite of being sad is not-sad or being neutral.

• The first two points help me to remember that if I am not getting to spend time on any activity from Abhishek’s Happiness List then I have to be aware that my emotional state should not default to the feeling of sadness. Instead, being not-sad or neutral would be the desired state in that case.

• Happiness is in the moment. Happiness is in doing.

  • This does not mean that I can be happy while doing anything and everything. No, that would be the wrong approach. The better way would be to discover what makes me happy and then actively spend time doing it.

  • Gratification can be delayed, but not happiness. In this new world of instant gratification, I believe it is a smart move to delay gratification because it helps with maintaining a long-term focus. But delaying happiness seems like a foolish recipe for misery. [I tried to differentiate between gratification and happiness but I was not satisfied with what I had written so I deleted the text. I need to read and think more about this.]

  • Every point mentioned in Abhishek’s Happiness List enables my mind and body to be present in the moment. I do not desire a multi-million dollar villa or an incredibly large fleet of luxury vehicles or a famous public company because I do not understand how these possessions and social status signals will make me happier as compared to spending time with the people I love or reading or going on walks.

I think I’m out of words now. Maybe I have managed to pour out all my thoughts about this topic.

So yeah I guess that’s it. Thanks for reading, see you in the next post!

I have been doing it since I was probably 7 or 8 years old.

Presently, I end up reading at least an hour every day - a combination of physical books, ebooks, online articles, tweets, Reddit and social media posts - without really allotting any dedicated time to reading.

Reading comes naturally to me. It does not feel like work. It is something that I enjoy doing and I look forward to it every day.

Over all these years of reading, I have noticed that some themes keep appearing again and again in different places.

One of those themes is ‘writing’.

It is very important to write - I have read different versions of this statement many, many times.

The consensus seems to be that writing helps a person to think more clearly.

The greatest thinkers from the past and the present keep repeating the same lesson - write so that you can get better at thinking.

Writing sort of forces a person to think clearly.

There are hundreds of thoughts running through our minds every day.

When we sit down to write we are essentially forcing our monkey minds to calm down.

All the thoughts in our head are poured out on the paper (or keyboard) and then articulated so that the written piece reads well.

My thoughts might get all mixed up and seem gibberish when I’m only thinking and probably even while talking. But I am left with no option other than to analyse a thought with care and attention so that when I finish writing it down it does not seem gibberish like it was earlier in my head.

So I am taking all this effort of writing to get the reward of becoming a more clear thinker.

No, wait a second. The reward is not even guaranteed. It is just a potential reward for all this trouble. Maybe I will write millions of words in my lifetime and still suck at thinking clearly.

Then why do I still want to write?

Well, because I genuinely like to think clearly and I would love to do more of it for the remaining time of my life.

I am sorry but I cannot explain it any better than this.

Some people find happiness in money or fame or travelling and I find it in thinking clearly. This is the best analogy that I can make up as of now.

So if writing is going to lead me to clearer thinking then I am delighted to pick up writing as a regular hobby.

Thankfully, I am not starting at zero.

I write something on Twitter almost every single day. Once in a while, I might miss out on tweeting because of a busy schedule but I surely get back to it in a day or two.

But I tweet because I want to grow an audience on Twitter.

Of course, every single thing that I tweet is authentic and straight from my heart but it is more of a knowledge-sharing activity for me.

Whereas, I am looking at long-form writing as an introspective activity.

Even with long-form writing, I have some prior experience in my arsenal.

I have written a grand total of just two long-form articles.

I published the first one on the Internet.

For the second write-up, I shared the draft with a couple of friends but I did not take the whole idea seriously enough to publish it.

Those two long-form articles were not introspective in nature.

So introspective writing is going to be a new territory for me to explore.

I hope to get better at writing and thinking because it would be hilariously disappointing if I don’t.

And to prove my point that I’m not yet good at thinking and writing, I present to you an abrupt ending.

(I could not imagine how else could I end this write-up. Thanks for reading!)